ALL I EVER TAUGHT YOU

"...I will guide you from above, so tread lightly as a dove....and remember....all I ever taught you was to love..."

Palma holding a gift from Fred
A framed copy of her CD "THE BROKEN CUP" 

September 11, 2011 -


 I sang "All I Ever Taught You" this morning to a crowd of half smiling, half weeping listeners at my church.  Palma's story touched the hearts of those listeners this morning, just as it has mine since I first heard she and Frank sing it on their CD's.  Here's my version:

LIVE - All I Ever Taught You by Timothy JSP



September 8, 2011


It doesn't seem possible, really, that two years have already gone by since Palma's death.  In some respects the wound seems so fresh and new - as if only a few hours, certainly not years, has passed.  And in some ways it seems like so very long ago that we said our goodbyes to one another.

September 8, 2009, is a day that is permanently imprinted in my mind.  Yet now, so many other days "play" over again in my head....happier days of my memories of time spent one way or another with Palma.  Like the second time we talked on the phone and I heard that strong Lawng- Guiland accent so clearly.  I was SO surprised, and told her so.  She wondered why I was surprised....after all, she" LIVED all hur life, heah. "   We laughed and laughed.  (The first time we talked was the day she was diagnosed, so it was short, and tentative but I knew all about it via e-mails and instant message conversations).

Palm in the vocal isolation booth at Tiki

Anyway, she asked me why I was so surprised, and I told her that having listened to the spoken introduction of WHAT THE HELL, NELL! I had never heard ANY accent in her voice.  NONE!!!  So, in her best Yiddish Mother's voice she tells me "OF COURSE that's all spoken without an accent!!!  I worked HAUD to say all of that quite distinctly and properly.  But when I'm not workin' and I'm talkin' to my friends like we aah just now, I don't wanna have to wurk at it!  Oy Vey! "




"Talking with my friends"....that was SO nice to hear.  Palm and I were kindred in that way, because it was easy for either of us to talk about how we felt about things - her music, my music, her compositions, my writing.  We could say what we felt to each other, and we DID!

Straightening THE BROKEN CUP on
The Wall of Fame - Tiki Recording Studios

Let's see......there was the Sunday 
afternoon Palma phoned me in sheer panic thinking that somehow she'd managed (she thought) to have allowed all of her copyrights to expire!  It's a memory I smile about now only because I was pleased that she called ME to ask for my assistance.  Of course I checked immediately on all of her copyrights, only to discover that they were all quite safe, and for many years yet to come.  I phoned her back with this news, telling her she had nothing to worry about.  That had been such a relief for her.  She told me she could now rest easy; now that she knew her copyrights were safe and all in-tact.

Or how about the time she packed-up a bag full of information in order to "schlepp" into NY City by herself, to check on and determine a legal musical matter or two, and the phone call I got just after she'd boarded the LIRR on her way home.  She was completely outdone (and unfortunately, the trip had completely worn her out).  Frustrated at the non-results of this huge effort, she was just beside herself at first.  She hadn't gotten the answers she had hoped for....but by the time she had to transfer trains for the last leg home, she was feeling much better because we'd begun discussing Bachelor Buttons and the Sondheimesquesness of those compositions.  I felt so good about being able to get her mind off of the distressing situation and onto one that perked her right up!  Her music!  :-)

Fred, Tim and Palm in the kitchen at Tiki

One of my fondest memories, of course, was the day Palm & Fred (Guarino) took a day to show my wife and I the studio where the "magic" happened.  Palm asked me during our time at Tiki if I'd record one of her BROKEN CUP selections.  (Tiki Recording Studios, www.tikirecording.com ,Glen Cove, NY,  is owned by Fred Guarino).  Well, THAT was something I'd never anticipated - to record one of her songs - but I guarantee you nothing could have made me happier than to record my favorite composition from THE BROKEN CUP, "Get Up One More Time."  Palm didn't have to even ask me - she already knew the track I'd choose and would want to record the most.  I felt SO honored that she would ask me to record one of her tunes, using her own performance track.

Tim & Palm in the vocal isolation booth
Tiki Recording Studios

Can you imagine just how nerve-racking that was for me in a way?  I mean....this was my first time at Tiki - the very first time I'd actually come face-to-face with either Fred or Palma - and for as much as I admired Palma's talent as a singer/songwriter, and Fred's amazing talent as a master engineer - here I was, in the vocal isolation booth, earphones on and mic in place (the very mic Palm used when recording at Tiki), getting ready to sing in front of them.....and one of her compositions.....recorded by Fred!  




Oofah!!!  And, THAT's an understatement!!  :-)

Frank Rendo's REMEMBERING CHRISTMAS CD

But, here's the deal - both Palm and Fred were SO encouraging to me on that day that my fears of perhaps being inadequate there in the studio with these two quickly faded as they were good, the both of them, at making me feel encouraged and good about what I was doing there.  I have since worked more with Fred in the studio there at Tiki, and found him to again be highly encouraging, and helpful.  I would have LOVED to have had the opportunity to work again with Palma.  :-(



It was truly a magical day that day.  I also recorded a part on Frank Rendo's brand new Christmas CD, REMEMBERING CHRISTMAS, and I knew it must have been Palm and Fred's idea for me to join in with others on that song, as Frank and I had never spoken before he e-mailed me and asked me to add my voice! http://www.CDBaby.com/Artist/FrankRendo  

Ah yes, it was another very happy moment spent with Palm as Remembering Christmas  is one of her own compositions from her musical, WHAT THE HELL, NELL!


Okay...how about when Palm told me how she typically reacted at a healing mass.....then having the opportunity to attend one of them with her, and observing it for myself.  (Palma was quite in tune with the Spirit).  And, of course, she reacted just as she'd told me in conversation time and again.  She was one of a kind, this kind-hearted, loving friend of mine.

Tim & Palm at the piano - Tiki

So, so many of these memories flood back, even as I'm writing tonight.  There were so many smiles given me by Palma - what I mean is, she made me smile often, not just in conversation, but every single time I heard any of her work.  I would find myself singing merrily along, and smiling from ear to ear.  That still happens to this day.  So many times when I listen to the body of Palma's work that I possess, I find myself smiling.  It remains a thrill on every listen to hear a nuance I hadn't caught before, and again, that happens often.  Or, perhaps, because the story she's telling her listeners is so completely "spot-on" as, like I've said many times before, Palma was so tuned-in to human nature...she could write about the human condition in such a way that you, as her listener, just knew that there was true knowledge of the subject matter, and probably because "in part the stories are true and based upon personal experiences" as she told the fans at "Carpenters Online."

No matter what the tunes were based on, they were so "man, she must be talking about me" good!  They were so perfectly told that I would undoubtedly find myself smiling during the song at some point, realizing the truths behind the words.

Frank and Palma at Tiki

One fond memory was when Palma discussed Frank Rendo and his talent with me for the first time.  I remember it so well, as she was working in the studio with this "Italian guy" she'd told me, and it was during her "I look pregnant I'm so swollen" period.  Palm didn't really ever  what you would call "gush" over anyone when we discussed some of the talented performers she'd recorded with.  She did have some extra fine words for her great friend, the late Pete Stora; she told me Arkawdy was a "wild man who could blow a sax with abandon" and Gary Jerome had a voice like no other.

But when it came to Frank, Palma had a lot to say!  She told me during this particular conversation that Frank had an "amazing" voice (as she called it), and when she told me she "hoped she could do a good job for this young Italian man" I could tell he had impressed her, big time!   Palma, like me, wanted to do whatever she could do, to heighten and push forward Frank's career.  She and I would talk about our plans to do just that for hours at a time.  She had plans for him, and was pleased to know how "on-board" I was with her plans. 

Tim & Palm laughing at the grand piano
Tiki Recording Studios

I could go on for paragraphs reminiscing about this & that, but you get the idea.  There have, this second year, been many fond memories of Palm that have flooded back to me, and it feels much better to be enjoying these memories rather than only thinking about the heartbreaking truth that she is separated from us in such a "final" way.

But I wanted to also mention here that Palma's projects continue, even now.  Projects, you ask?  Yes, that's right.   A new website is receiving final touches before publication at www.palmapascale.com.  This was something Palm had really looked forward to in many ways.  It just didn't happen in her time with us.

POSTER
Did You Talk To Him Today?

Also, on 10-10-10, her huge vision of a production to be presented to the people of Long Island, with profits going to a ministry that was near and dear to her, "Jesus Alive," took place just as she had planned for it to at the Patchogue Theatre to nearly a full house. For some reason,  I have a stumbling block about writing a full story about this fine event, but one day, I will do so.  Palm was present in many ways during this long-awaited event.  Her original tracks were used for the soloists' to sing to, and her backing vocals were, of course, on those tracks.  

Orlando Pena

  I spent literally months listening to tracks Fred had made especially for me that had the backing vocal volumes way up with as much separation as he could manage, because Gary Wilson's Jesus Alive Choir would be singing these backing parts on many of the songs used.  I did the best I could do to make choral charts for the choir, but had to do it all just from listening, then charting, then listening some more.  


Orlando Pena was in charge of the Artistic Direction, Choreography and co-production of the program, while Frank Rendo was the production supervisor.  Jackie Carey, another of the dearest people who was a close friend to Palma, and took such great care of her as Palm would tell me often, led the Jesus Alive Dancers.  
 www.OvationsDance.com


I took one of Palma's THIS MUST BE HEAVEN tracks, (The Golden Rope of Jesus), and orchestrated an arrangement for the 10-10-10 production.  Fred had left it as a gorgeous piano/vocal selection on the CD, but Frank wanted an orchestrated version, so I did one, keeping in mind all of the tips Palm had given me about arranging.  As I did for the album arrangements, I sent Fred Guarino each separate track, and he mastered and mixed the arrangement along with Palma's original piano track.  I didn't know he was going to do that...but that's the sort of generous fellow Fred is.  I'm very pleased with the final result, and I think Palma would be okay with it too!

There was well over a years worth of serious work done by many to get this musical program up and running, and in between the grieving process.  That part was, indeed, difficult.  As my regular readers know, I wish I'd been able to have attended the 10-10-10 show, or even the replay of it on 7-11-11, when it was brought to Bay Shore Assembly in Bay Shore, New York. That wasn't meant to be, but Orlando sent me this message that I will forever hold on to, regarding this show.  He said:


                    "You were, are and always will be, in my eyes, a part of that production. (The show) was of Miss Palma's last wishes and we were part of it. We were her instruments, soldiers, missionaries, elves and saints in getting the Lord's message through, and Mr. Tim, you were blowing that horn and heard by many hearts!" 


    His words here made all the difference for me in not being able to attend.  Thanks, OP!
I'm  continuing to add to this blog....I'm writing for the website.....and I'm staying in touch with musicians and artists, friends and family alike who help me fill-in-the-blanks of things I didn't get answers to before September 8, 2009.


   Palma's work continues as others record her compositions, and I will continue to tell you stories new and old, and I have some great stuff to talk about in the blogs regarding the two musicals.


   I would like to leave you with some words from Palma, herself.  I am excited to share this with you - I came across these videos because the man who shot them happened to read something somewhere that I'd written about her.  Thanks Bill, for these wonderful video clips.  I'm honored to have them.


Let me set up these clips for you in order for you to really be able to understand why I found them to be such a treasure.


Recall I've mentioned before about Palma's "visit from Jesus" and some of the songs that came from her walk with Him!!  The first clip, then, finds Palma walking into a room filled with cancer survivors, where she's supposed to talk and share with them as well as sing to them.  The time frame, this occurred for reference, was as Palma was writing the songs from THIS MUST BE HEAVEN....at the time, cancer-free!  Some songs were already completed, others would be, soon.


Take particular note about Palma's description of heaven - she tells us she was "too lost to call" and she "didn't remember Him, but He remembered ME."  She says she sees a light ("over there shines an orange sun") that was, actually too brilliant and too beautiful for her to look at long because as a "human" just visiting, it shone so incredibly, it was beyond her comprehension. 

If you know the songs from THIS MUST BE HEAVEN, you will recognize some of them came from this visit with Jesus, and she talks about what she saw in this video clip.  I call it her "testimony about heaven."  It's a wonderful piece of footage.  I'm so pleased to have it.  Now you can also enjoy it.


(NOTE:  I am sorry but I have attempted FOR HOURS to add all three video pieces here - the first one simply will not load......  So, below, just before the other links, I will "transcribe" what Palm says.  She continues on video 2, and 3.  Bill sent it to me as one video, but somehow after a time, I could no longer get sound on it.  As it is, the FINAL VIDEO does not track correctly - can't seem to get it fixed and it's sorta weird to watch that Palm's visual doesn't match up to the audio, but I still watch it, anyway.    I'm sure happy Bill put it on YouTube.  These links are not accessable except through here - it's a restricted video.   Thanks again, Bill)!!!  Even though you have to see it in three parts, I KNOW you'll be able to enjoy it.


PALMA PASCALE'S 'VISIT WITH JESUS' as transcribed by TSP


"...Last year, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and you know, that's a sneaky, tricky one and it's a little hard to get over that one.  But through the prayers of, I don't know how many people but some of you who are in this room were praying for me, all the doctors and the chemo and everything else - it went smooth as could be, and I stand before you today............. cancer free.


The most miraculous thing about my experience was, on the 5th day after my operation I lost it.  I was perfectly okay up till then, but on that 5th day, I lost all my courage.  I also lost my good name!   I was saying to somebody yesterday - when you get a sickness like this, your good name starts to appear on lots of bad reports.  CAT scans that have YOUR NAME, and under it it says something terrible - and other reports that have YOUR NAME, and under it it says something terrible.


And on the 5th day when they sent me home from the hospital, instead of being relieved, I was horrified.  I WAS HORRIFIED.  And, I didn't have any personality left - when you get a sickness like that, it's like everything you ever was is gone!  You are, now...CANCER!!!  That's all you are, okay?


I lost my courage, and I went back to my house and I was out of my mind.  I think it's like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it happens after you've been so brave - you know, you were up on the rooftop waiting for the helicopters to save you, and they take you to a safe place, and then.........you fall apart!  


And when I fell apart, I laid on the bed and I figured well, this is it!  I'm about as miserable as I can be - and, I'm NOT done....  You know, you're not done after surgery with cancer...they got other plans.  You're gonna have chemo, you're gonna lose your hair, and bla, bla, bla.    They talk about it like it's nothing.  


And, with that - laying on the bed, I suddenly felt SO GOOD!!!  It's as if something came and like took me down the elevator shaft, down to the bottom floor, and I felt so GOOD all of a sudden - I remember thinking - woah!  What just happened?  I felt mentally well - I felt physically well...and, all of a sudden, to the left side of me, Jesus Christ, Himself, actually appeared.  I had my eyes closed, but I wasn't asleep.   


He was here, about (shows) "this high" and, I heard Him.  He said to me "You couldn't hear Me."  And I said to Him, you're right, you're right - I couldn't hear ANYTHING.  All I heard was ME - I just heard ME!!   And He said, "I was here all along."  


And then He went like this with both His hands (shows the people-arms out in front, palms up) and then He said "rest in Me."  And I took that to mean just jump in His arms and don't do anything.  And I remember thinking, ah......THIS is perfect cause I can't do anything!  I can't even move a spoon.  I...I...I....I'm LOST!


Then (tentatively) I wanted to ask Him if I was gonna be okay, but Iike I didn't wanna ask Him cause like I didn't know.....so in my mind I was going ... Oh I really wanna ask Him - it's JESUS - I could ask Him.....then would think no, you'd better not ask Him, maybe you're not gonna be alright.  


And with that He said, in a very low voice, He said "Don't worry, you're going to be fine."  But I kinda doubted - I thought Oh, I made Jesus say that - He felt sorry for me - you know?  Really - you know, you'd think I'd be STUNNED that Jesus was standing there, but it was really very normal."  


That's the end of the first tape and I've checked the links below - you can get to the other two videos.  Enjoy them.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HALC30LKIZE


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nlkm6axJXDY

Palma in concert

Palm would want me - us - to begin to heal and to remember her fondly - that sense of humor she possessed was so keen - she made me laugh over and again!  Just as I feel she would want, then, I've used my time today to lovingly recall some of my stories and wanted to share them with you all.  Please, if you have stories to share, pictures to share, music to share (thank you, Irv for the MP3's you sent my way - I shared them with others, too) then send them to me, please.  I'd love to incorporate your memories into my writings. 


Thanks to my faithful readers.  Thanks to Bill for sharing his video, to Fred, Frank and Orlando, too, for their loving care of Palma's music and vision - time and time, again.
  For now, just remember:  "...I'll be watching from above, so tread lightly, like a dove....and remember, all I ever taught you was to love..."  


Ciao!
~Martini


Photo Credits and special thanks:  Frank Rendo, Fred Guarino, Orlando Pena and photos from my own collection.  Thanks to Dominick Avento III for his graphic artwork on REMEMBERING CHRISTMAS and DID YOU TALK TO HIM TODAY?.