THE PALMA PASCALE INTERVIEW

Conducted by Rick Henry
Webmaster for the former website
CARPENTERS ONLINE
Now Known As
KAREN & RICHARD
CARPENTER AVENUE





http://carponline.proboards21.com/index.cgi

Hi Everyone~
Martini back again with a most interesting read for you. What I have is the ORIGINAL interview that Palma granted to the Administrator of a well-known and widely read website, known at that time as "The Carpenters Online". The forum is all that remains of that website, and
Rick Henry remains the Administrator of this forum. It has been renamed "Karen & Richard Carpenter Avenue" and it can be found by clicking the link, provided above.

It was this interview, done in four installments over several months, that led me to purchase my first Pascale CD, THE BROKEN CUP, and from there, well....... start at the bottom of this blog, and work your way up - the history is all here. Palma and I began communicating quite a bit, and over the past almost 4 years, now - we've become great friends, and it is such a pleasure for me to write this blog, and do other marketing and promotions for Palma. As you will read in the very last part of this interview, Palm tells us the story of "Horace" her neighbor. That piece has stuck with me well, and I hope to make Horace eat his words, at some point. Horace, Palma will be a "household name" one day - and everyone, including YOU will know her awesome music.

Boy, am I ever thankful Palma agreed to do this interview!

A big thank you to Rick Henry for letting me post the full interview he conducted with Palma here in Martini's Musings. I know you'll love reading through it. Palm took so much time, and was very careful to give enough detail that we really were able to capture her personality, and live her life in bits and pieces with her.

Thank you, Palma, for the time it took you to put this interview together, and for sharing so much of yourself with us at Carpenters Online, now loving referred to the regulars there as "The Avenue."

I give you the full four-part Palma Pascale Interview with Rick Henry:

Rick Henry:
What follows is an interview I've conducted with Palma Pascale. Palma wrote the song "Love Me For What I Am". This beautiful song is featured on the Carpenters' 1975 album "Horizon" and is considered a "favorite" by fans.

I originally sent Palma something around twenty two questions. She answered my questions in more of a biography style than interview style. I have also included other tidbits from other email correspondence between Palma and myself. This is Part One of a three possibly four part interview.

PALMA PASCALE: BEGINNINGS

Palma: Hi Rick, It was so interesting to hear from you, and to get a glimpse of your website about the Carpenters. I was pleased when Al told me he heard from you.

Rick: Yeah, I did a major web search for you originally about a year ago. But couldn't find anything on you. So I gave up as I ended up contacting Steve Eaton the writer of the song "All You Get From Love Is A Love Song". This work kept me occupied. Just last month I decided to do another search for you. And low and behold I found your name listed on a Long Island New York web site and Al Barbarino's web site. I ended up emailing Al and the rest is history. You must thank Al for getting us together.

Palma: Well, I certainly am flattered that you spent all the time searching for more info...how fascinating that you found one of the ads for the Christian concert, and thereby got the album name. You are a motivated investigator! I am excited that you are interested in my story. The story of how I came to get recorded by the Carpenters is actually quite fascinating. I am a lifelong singer, songwriter, arranger and I write in the pop, Broadway show, and Christian field, and arrange for many other artists, as well. The Carpenters was my first "BIG BREAK" and the story could have been much bigger, as you will see when we chat. Still hearing her sultry voice, and knowing for a moment we were linked together, always remains a thrill. Richard Carpenter was a BIG FAN of all my songs. Had she lived longer, I have no doubt we would have done more together.

Rick: Excellent Palma. I look forward to sharing your story with the world of Carpenters fans. You seem to be a very kind and generous person. You certainly have a creative way with words. Before we go on I just want to say "Love Me for What I Am" is one of my all-time favorite Carpenters songs. The words are almost an anthem for dedicated Carpenters fans the world over. Thank you Palma for the music.

What follows is an essay written by Palma Pascale based on the interview questions I sent her. This is Part One of the Palma Pascale series.

******************************************************
To my Friend Rick and All My "New Friends" Who Love The Carpenters, I submit my answers to your questions, and tell you my story, with as many details as I can, about this most important moment in my career as a songwriter. My connection with Karen and Richard Carpenter was one of the biggest thrills of my musical history, when I shared a little moment in time with one of the most awesome success stories in American Music, The Carpenters. Like a beautiful perfume, the sound of Karen's voice can bring back instant memories of a great love story, when her voice touched the souls of so many, don't you all agree? So sad to lose her in her prime, and yet so wonderful to have the music. Here goes, my friends:

I was given an unusual gift as a young child, the gift to understand music, recall it, and play virtually anything I heard. My mother, Anne, who is still quite alive and well, was a singer who studied at Julliard School, but did chose not to pursue a career path in music for herself. She eagerly taught me the piano, and how to sing in many languages, and by age six, I was on stage playing a small ukulele and singing songs for benefit concerts locally. I was so small that a guitar would have been too big for me! One day, when a piano student was in another room, he kept hitting the wrong note, and I couldn't take it anymore, and I called out, "Ma, tell him it's a" Bb," not a "G "that he needs to play." My mother, in amazement said, "How do you know he's playing a "G" when you're not in the room?" And that's how we discovered I had perfect pitch.

I studied violin in school, played in orchestras, and then, at about age 12, I met some local ladies who wrote three songs. They needed someone to record "demo records" of them, and this led to my meeting Paul Kaufman (a co-writer of the famous song, "Poetry In Motion.") I soon was taking the Long Island Railroad into New York City with my mother and recording demo records for all kinds of new songs, written by famous songwriters who needed someone who could sing well, clearly, accurately, and quickly. That was me.. Too bad I don't have any pictures from those days, (but I DO have the records if you're interested!) but it was funny to see me, at five foot tall, needing to stand on telephone books to reach the single microphone that was put in place to simultaneously record a very tall man that needed to share the same mike.I was always glad when the song only required me to sing, no duets, since I didn't have to stand on my toes for those! (pictured in the vocal isolation booth at TIKI Recording: Palma Pascale)

It is there, in the recording studios of New York, working with the most accomplished studio musicians at that time, that I learned the love of the "pop song" and came to understand how records were made, and how to play and sing, being accurate enough to get it in "one take," and make a song come alive. At age 15 or so, I wrote my first two songs. Little did I know, I would one day write hundreds more.

I received a full scholarship to Hofstra University, where I studied music, became the first female student conductor, and lead the pit orchestra in the drama department's musicals. My experience as a conductor and musical director led me to understand what made a "Broadway Musical" work, and eventually led to my composing the scores to two musicals in the years that followed. The day I graduated (Magna Cum Laude) I knew my degree would probably not matter! (And, by the way, no one has ever asked to see my credentials...they just say "play," "sing," "arrange" and if you can do THAT, that is all they want to know in the actual music business!) Interesting, the very day I graduated, I ran to the basement practice rooms at Hofstra and wrote my first song, "Take The Time For The First Time." I was FREE, no term papers, no classes, FREE to be what I now knew I would be, a composer-lyricist with something to say.

I started writing many songs,.They got less wordy, and more universal, very quickly. It was important to let every line advance the message in the lyrics, and to keep them relevant to the listener. Lyrics that were too personal might mean a listener could not relate, so being clear, and true to the "feelings" of the experience I was describing was important. My songs were quickly noticed by the major publishers I was introduced to in New York.

As a writer, I generally got inspiration only when I sat at the piano, put my hands on a chord, and started allowing words and music to flow by free association.But "Love Me For What I Am" came in a most unusual way. I was asleep one night, and the words "love me for what I am, for simply being me, don't love me for what you expect or hope that I will be" came in a dream. I remember arguing with myself about waking up to write them down...I didn't want to disturb myself, and write them down. I recall actually debating in my sleep the value of turning on the light, finding a pad and pen, etc. and would it be WORTH it! Afterall, I figured, you'll remember this tomorrow if it's that important, blah, blah, blah, anything to not have to get up! But the hand of destiny must have moved me to wake up, write it down, and go back to sleep. Good thing, no?

The next day, I took the words from the dream, and completed the song in about 45 minutes. (By the way, most songs take about that long to write, because they come so spontaneously. If a song takes much longer than about 90 minutes, I put it aside and look at it another time. Just thought you might be interested.)

I recorded the song as I did all my demos, at home, on my grand piano with my reel to reel tape recorder, and added it to my growing collection of pop originals. One day, I remember thinking, "Boy, this song would be good for the Carpenters." But I wasn't sure how to get it to them, so that they would listen. As all songwriters know, the question is ALWAYS how to get your song to the intended artist, and know it's going to be listened to. Out of the blue, my mother came home with a big recording artist, managers, etc. directory from Sam Ash Music. She paid less than the $30 fee because I think it was the previous year's edition! I thought "Wow, my mother just wasted money buying this thing, because I'm sure there's nothing in it that will help me." But out of curiosity, I looked up "The Carpenters." There was a phone number. I called it. A woman answered and I said: "Hi. I'm a songwriter. I have a song for the Carpenters, but I want to know, if I send it, will they just throw it out and not listen?"She said, "I suggest you send it to Mr. Ed Sulzer. He is their song screener, and he will listen." It was just that simple. I sent a reel to reel copy, and literally, two weeks later, I received the most fantastic letter imaginable! It was dated November 1, 1973 (MY BIRTHDAY!) and said that the song had been shown to Richard Carpenter, he liked it, and wanted me not to show it to anyone else, since they were considering putting it on their next album. Also, it said, they were anxiously awaiting the arrival of another five songs I intended to send. Eventually, they would ask me for the "right of first refusal" meaning I would send EVERYTHING I would ever write to them FIRST, before anyone else in the music business. How was THAT for the best news a songwriter could ever receive!!! I recall my mother and me jumping up and down in the living room of my family home, screaming with delight at how well my luck was going. There is nothing like the universe confirming your WILDEST dreams. And it was happening to me, like a wide opened door, that had been just waiting for me to step through it.

All writers write partly from their own experience in love and life, and partly by filling in or altering the "real life" part with imagination, wishful better endings, or things for better dramatic impact. Part of the truth is, we are letting you see some pretty deep things about us, but in such a way, that you can't hurt us or judge us, since we can have the veil of "art" for protection. Afterall, we can always say we "made it up" or "no, that wasn't about YOU," or "no that wasn't about ME" or "I READ it somewhere!" The truth if we are vulnerable in our songs, perhaps our listeners won't feel so alone in THEIR thoughts, their sadness, their insecurity or their failed love affair, and disappointment in life. Isn't that what it's all about? Sharing ourselves with others to be a voice in the darkness, telling the listener, "It's okay. I have felt exactly that. And I survived, you will, too. I'm taking the walk with you."

The original lyrics to my song, "Love Me For What I Am" were different from the recording made by the Carpenters, particularly in the verse sections. They were darker, and spoke to a deeper difficulty in some relationships between lovers. Yes, they were pretty personal, and spoke about a relationship I had a few years before with a very handsome young man, who seemed to love me very much but really wanted to control my life, my decisions, to match his expectations. I was so attracted to him, and put him on a pedastal, so that going along with his wishes seemed alright at the time, but eventually I felt the discomfort of being so agreeable to his way of seeing things, and I felt neglected for my own needs, as it was always "all about HIM." I broke off the relationship. He was devastated, probably because he realized he would never find anyone else so willing to accommodate his needs first.
The original lyrics to the first verse read:

"...We fell in love And you say I changed your life
I made you feel like someone Now you want me for your wife
But if you really love me And what you say is true
Why are you forever trying to change the things I do
You're never really happy with me the way I am
But I can't rearrange myself, so you must understand

CHORUS:You've got to love me for what I am For simply being me
Don't love me for what you intend or hope that I will be
And if you're only using me to feed a fantasy
You're really not in love, so let me go, I must be free..."

There is a second verse, but I thought I'd tease the fans with the first verse now, maybe more later, if you're interested. Now, I must tell you how the lyrics came to be changed.

About 8 months after being notified that my song was to be recorded by The Carpenters, my lawyer received a letter, telling us that John Bettis had been asked to rewrite some of the words, and he would be given half the writers' royalties. I was upset that I was never asked to rewrite my own song, as I would have gladly done, assuming perhaps, that they found the verse sections TOO personal, and a bit too dark in tone for their taste. But since I was never asked to do a rewrite, I was shocked to see it was done without my permission. The only thing I could request was to see the lyrics before I would agree. It was probably correct to assume that the song might not be recorded at all if I disagreed to the new terms and the changes. So I did agree. I think Mr. Bettis made the song's verses more universal and perhaps more in line with what fans would have expected Karen to sing about. Besides, I considered myself to be a lucky songwriter, indeed, because the Carpenters had already let me know they were going to record a second song of mine, "Box Office Movie King" on the next album, and I felt sure there would be no last minute lyric rewrites on that one.

Rick, there is much more to tell, and I will continue my answers to your questions in my next email. I hope you enjoy reading this, and I certainly am giving you the LONG VERSION to all your questions. If you like this approach, I will continue. I just think your Carpenter fans might enjoy all the details.

TO BE CONTINUED! Warmest Regards, Palma

Following is Part Two of the Palma Pascale Interview. Palma wrote the beautiful song "Love Me for What I Am" which is featured on the Carpenters' classic 1975 album Horizon.

In Part Two Palma digs a little deeper into her relationship with the Carpenters and the many songs she recorded for Richard Carpenter and company. At the end of the interview is a sound sample of one of Palma's own songs and information for purchasing her CD's.

Without further ado here is Part Two of a three possibly four part interview.- Rick Henry


PART TWO: IS IT KAREN OR PALMA?

Rick: Welcome back Palma. I am so happy to be continuing this saga with you. I've really enjoying learning more about the song "Love Me For What I Am" and about the other work you did for the Carpenters.

Palma: Thank you again, for such an honor to be part of your "world." I am enjoying this experience VERY much.

Rick: Once again Palma, I just want to let you know how much I love "Love Me for What I Am" and the few songs of your own you've sent to me through email. You have a beautiful voice and you're an outstanding songwriter. I have a tremendous respect for your immense talent.
And now here's the interview as written by Palma...

Karen's voice, oh, what a joyful thing to describe. I remember the first time I heard it. I was in the parking lot of Dunkin' Donuts in Lynbrook (Long Island) with my then boyfriend (the one mentioned in Question 4...you know who!) when over the radio came a sound that grabbed my attention immediately. She was singing "Why do birds suddenly appear" and the deep richness, the directness, the heart stopping wave of pure emotion, delivered "no frills," seemed to open my heart and rivet me to the music. It was unlike anything else I had ever heard...unadorned, clear as a large resonant bell, lower than most women's voices, and yet so feminine and sensitive. Have I said it correctly? There are hundreds of metaphors I could think of. All I knew was that voice was a "hit," a stimulating "new" sound, so simple in its approach, yet so effective, and the song matched the artist. You knew you were hearing the first hit record of its kind from this person, though you didn't know her name. The thing about Karen was she "seared your heart," although painlessly, with her "brand" and you can never forget her. Need I tell you, fans, how true this is, that all these years later, you and I can be discussing this like it was yesterday. For those of you who were not even "around" in those days, you have discovered what the rest of us experienced live. It is a timeless effect.(photo above: Karen Carpenter)

God sent her to use her voice to caress the soul, as an instrument to soothe and open up the heart of the listener for healing and comfort. She used her voice as a fine instrument, whose tone always began as a "hum" upon which words would "surf," as on a wave of emotion. She never used her voice to "show off" vocal calisthenics, unnecessary vocal tricks, but conserved her power to focus her deepest emotion straight into the "mind of the ear and the heart.".

If Karen's voice was a food, it would be thick, smooth, DARK chocolate, flowing from a fountain. Our hearts would be like the strawberry you place under the cascade, while she coats it gently and completely with her rich confection. You can indulge yourself in this delicious chocolate as much as you like...for hers was like chocolate from heaven...eat all you like, and never get fat! That is why her records are so precious still...her gift is available to all of us, forever.

Something in the voice of Karen Carpenter was always tinged with sadness for me. Long before any of us knew how her earthly life would turn out, I was always aware that tucked under all its beauty, and even in the more lively, uptempo songs, lie a hint of something "held back" from Karen's own ability to experience full joy, the joy she brought to the world. I often think artists give their "all" to the world, and yet who will sing for them? Inside, there is the hidden aspect, the longing in THEIR hearts, that they wish would be fulfilled. Do you feel this way, too, when it comes to her or is it just me?

I believe she is the top female artist of all time, because she sang in the way I believe a singer should sing...straightforward, delivering the message, getting "out of the way" of self importance, pomposity, vocal technique, and making the mission about touching the listener. She is, in addition, the top ALTO voice ever recorded I believe. Most female artists use a range about a third higher than her preferred range. It is that "dipping down into the well" of the low register that somehow reaches down inside our hearts, and pulled our feelings up to the surface.

I believe when Karen sang, that tone, that low vibration, resonated with the universe, at a place that causes the human heart to open up, and be available to itself.

I never met Karen or Richard in person and never got to speak to either of them either. You would be surprised how impersonal the music business can be. My telephone conversations were only with Ed Sulzer, and there weren't many. He would give me the status of things, invite me to send more songs, tell me which ones were received well, etc. The closest I felt to the personal communication aspect was seeing her signature on the contract I signed (for them to record my song) and seeing their parking spot at A&M Records, and the studio where they worked, on a brief trip I made to California.( I have a few photos of that trip, in 1974, one with Ed Sulzer in the office where he worked for the Carpenters, and of me in the studio with Lou Rawls.) Of course, the CLOSEST I ever felt to them was when I heard her famous magnificent voice singing my song. That same feeling comes back to me exactly the same way each time.

As I indicated earlier, after being told they would record "Love Me For What I Am" many months would go by, waiting for the actual record to be made. During that time, I continued to eagerly write new songs, and send them all to the Carpenters first,as I was requested to do. I was told that Richard Carpenter would put many of those songs into "THE GOLD BOX" which was a place, Ed said, that Richard would reserved for future songs he might wish to record with Karen. (I was told MANY of my songs made it into that box...imagine how wonderful THAT news was!) I was also asked to record about 6 songs of the Carpenters for their publishing company, as demos for other artists to hear. The idea was that I sounded so much like Karen, that the songs would be LIKE her, but NOT her, thereby not intimidating OTHER well-known artists to shy away from "covering" them on their albums. (The more songs are recorded, the more money is made by the writers and publishers, and these were songs written by Richard Carpenter and John Bettis ( as I recall ) and like any other songwriters, they were always happy to have their compositions rerecorded and released by other artists. I recorded them at home, piano-voice demos, and made them like the originals, which was easy to do. ( I still have these recordings.) I was flattered to be asked to record them for the super group. One of the songs was "Caught Between Goodbye and I Love You." It was probably in making these recordings that I accentuated some vocal features I already had (like the little "hooks" into landing a note) making my voice, which in its timbre and straightforward approach already was a natural "sound alike" seem even more like Karen's. My actual comfortable range has always been a major third higher than hers, and I can hit soprano notes I doubt she ever used, but the uncanny resemblance to her sound was natural. As a matter of fact, to this day when I walk into a restaurant, bank, or store where her songs are being piped in, my first instinct is "Oh, they're playing me" and then, of course I realize it's Karen. I understand why people make the connection (without them even knowing I wrote songs for her) but the comparison always seemed to be a two edged sword. Somehow no one could see past the famous person I sounded like, to see that I was my OWN person, a songwriter and singer who had a lifepath in the same field. I was flattered, but as the old saying would go, "The world doesn't need another Karen Carpenter...they already have one." With my opportunity to talk to her fans, I wonder if this is now a blessing in disguise. I believe when I listen to my own recordings of my own vast pop collection (many of which were on Richard and Karen's desk) that I can "hear" how Karen might have sounded had she lived longer and recorded more of them. I think of myself as kind of her "kid sister," singing higher, and with a little more unbridled emotion, with my own soaring arrangements, and I feel we could have had a great time in the studio. What I wouldn't have given to have been there with them both! I picture it in my mind, and would have LOVED to have had a picture of it, been there for the outtakes, seen the actual CHART where my music was written out, probably by hand, by the arranger (Richard) with the title proudly spelled out. Oh, my God, what a thrill it would have been as she sang the words I wrote (well, most of them!) and delivered the song so much like the original demo I made ...well you see where I'm going with this! The answer to the question "was I there for the recording"?".is no, but I wish they had invited me and I think I felt surely, in time, as they recorded "Box Office Movie King" and hopefully more of my songs, I would eventually get invited to a recording session. It was all not to be I suppose. But here we are, talking about it all thirty years later. Could Karen have a hand in all of this somehow? Perhaps in heaven, years are only a moment, and we are all "meeting" now, to talk about her, only a few minutes after her departure. She must feel the love of her fans even still. (pictured above: Palma Pascale)

I look forward to next telling you about the day the record came out, how I found out about it, and what the first listen was like! It's a wild story. To be continued for sure!

PART THREE: LOVE ME FOR WHAT I AM

Okay, my eager Carpenter fans, this is the part of the story that thrills! The story of THE DAY THE RECORD CAME OUT! The story SHOULD read:

"The sun rose that June morning, 1975, and Palma's butler came to her bedroom with the telegram from California that said 'It is our PLEASURE to inform you that your most important career moment has arrived! Richard and Karen Carpenter want to be the first to tell you that your song "LOVE ME FOR WHAT I AM" has appeared on the store shelves, the 45 single is out and it is being played on radio stations everywhere. We have sent a limo for you to whisk you away to the premiere at the radio station, where you will get chills as you hear her famous voice singing your incredible song, and where the fans will have you sign autographs, and then you will be flown to California to sit in the studio with Karen and Richard at your side as you listen again. Your platinum record will be given to you for your wall, and everyone in the record industry will soon be calling for your amazing power ballads, so that, they, too, can have a big smash hit. You will receive 100 free copies of the record and the sheet music to give to all your friends. Enjoy your day.' And Palma's life was NEVER the same, and people recognized her everywhere she went." (Photo above: Carpenters HORIZON album cover from 1975)

NOT!!!!

The real story: My cousin Lil called me and said, "Hey Palm, do you know your record came out? I just found it at the record store up at the mall. I bought a copy." I raced to Hicksville (about 20 minutes East of me on Long Island) and arrived on my cousin's doorstep. I was thrilled with the beautiful "dreamy" artwork on the cover of Richard and Karen, and flipped it over and got pretty impressed to see my name next to the title of my song. And they spelled my name right, too! (That's something I am always grateful for, since so many times people misspell the first and last name, you know.) So far, so good, I thought. She said, "Sorry, I don't have a record player. I'll call Linda across the street." Oh, goodie, Linda had one, so my cousin and her husband John and I trouped across the quiet street to Linda's house. Only one thing. The record player was in the basement, and we needed to go inside where Linda's giant VERY UNFRIENDLY doberman dog was barking like he was going to attack and eat us all, and chew up the record as well. I remember Linda saying "Oh, he won't hurt you, but I'll just hold him, and you run into the basement and then I'll close the door, and he won't be able to get downstairs."( I must mention here, for the irony of all this, that as a young child I was bitten on the face by a "friendly doberman" with no warning during a social visit at a relative's house. My encounter with THAT doberman resulted in my almost losing my eye, stitches on my nose, and a severe distrust of any dog large enough to reach my face. Are you getting the picture? SOMEHOW, still determined to hear my record, we raced into the basement, my heart pounding the entire time, since the dog continued to bark the whole time. So my first "listen" to LOVE ME FOR WHAT I AM was accompanied by the "bark track" and the fear, but I still remember the magic of the very first spin of the 33rpm album.

Karen opened up with "WE FELL IN LOVE" just as I had always sung it, but a full third lower, of course, the key just perfect for her. I almost died from the thrill. That FAMOUS voice was singing MY SONG....Oh, my God, does it get any better than this? I had a jumble of thoughts simultaneously: This is surreal! This is totally magical! How can I get my mind "around" this and take it in, it's too exciting to absorb? How can I savor every moment, when the song keeps going on? Why did she sing it SO SLOWLY??? I don't think I did it that slowly. I KNOW I didn't sing it that slowly. I feel weird about those lyric changes in the verse, seems awkward...I'm not used to those words...wish they were the original ones I wrote. OH GOD, THE DOG IS GOING TO GET DOWN HERE AND KILL ME!! HE'S GOING TO KNOCK THE BASEMENT DOOR DOWN ! I'm going to get to hear the song ONCE and then the DOG is going to kill us all.

And then: THE CHORUS CAME.

Heaven arrived when the CHORUS came.Karen seemed to "come alive" , the orchestration grew, the words were ALL MINE and SEEMED JUST RIGHT, and it even seemed to pick up speed and be more like the song I wrote and sang. And when she got to "DON'T LOVE ME FOR WHAT YOU INTEND OR HOPE THAT I WILL BE" I went nuts! The way the chords and melody move there, I got totally choked up. I was thrilled in a way that I can still feel today....anytime I hear it, I get that exact same feeling in that exact same spot. Then the feeling got even "higher" as the next part lifts the melody up another notch "AND IF YOU'RE ONLY USING ME TO FEED YOUR FANTASY" and the feeling soared yet again.(The little change Bettis made to use the word "YOUR" instead of "A" before the word "fantasy," again, took me by surprise and bothered me as I was not used to it) but overall I was in songwriter heaven. I must have cried, I must have held my breath in disbelief, I don't remember, but I was one fulfilled artist at that moment. I was right, I was in the right line of work, my ideas had merit, my career path was solidified, it was just a remarkable moment in my life.

I was also flattered to see they had laid the song out as I had presented it, for the most part. I was surprised by the guitar solo, it was so raucous in the middle of this slow ballad. I was not sure I thought it "fit" at first, and then I'm sure I grew to love it. It's just like seeing a house that has been decorated by someone else; you have to let your eye get used to it, to see the fine points. With a singer and a songwriter, the writer needs to get used to the personality of the singer who is making it their own. That is especially true when the songwriter is a singer as well. I got USED to it pretty fast. I soon "forgot" my version, and just adored hers.

I loved the repeat at the end, and the sensitive way she sang "YOU'RE REALLY NOT IN LOVE, SO LET ME GO I MUST BE FREE." I was in singer heaven, since I sang it just that way, in a whisper myself, in the demo, and I felt the great Karen and Richard agreed with my version and "mirrored it."

I don't remember how we ever got out of that basement, past the threatening dog, into the street, but before I drove home in a daze with my record in hand, we took one picture of the group of us on Lil's stoop with a glass of wine, with me holding the album for the camera. The picture is pretty faded now, but I have it as a memory. Poor cousin Lil! She took the picture, and there was only one shot, and she didn't even get IN it for posterity! And she paid for the first album and had to give it to me to boot! (If you guys want to see it, I will make sure Rick gets a copy of the picture.)

Now, just so you know, I got nothing for free. They never sent a "free sample," they never notified me when it was in the stores, and I realized not all the record stores got it at the same time. I never got a free album, or single; every copy of the record and the sheet music and folio books in which it appeared I had to find and buy in a store. It took about a year before the first check arrived, and the checks from record and folio/sheet music sales only arrived twice a year. Remember, the royalties were about 2 cents for each record sold for the writer/publisher, and since I only got 1/4 of that, I made my money on about 1/2 a cent per record. Perhaps Rick will post a copy of my first and second check for you to see. Imagine how many records and pieces of sheet music (that paid a bit more) had to be sold to get checks of that size! Now you know why people can "hit the lottery" as a songwriter with just one great song. (Today's royalties pay over 8 cents per song, I believe, but the original royalty still applies for the old stuff, so I never got rich, believe me.) The first year's checks were the largest. Money like that never came in again...checks were less and less with each year. I also received money for airplay of the record from ASCAP, but it was never a large amount of money, by any means. Had it been the "A" side of the single instead of the "B" side as it turned out, that would have been different.

Speaking of that, I had hopes that I WOULD be the "A" side of the single in those days, because RECORD WORLD and BILLBOARD both listed me as the "pick" to be the promoted side of the single. I DID have the distinction of being released along with Neil Sedaka's "SOLITAIRE" on the single, but someone decided that Neil needed the money more, so
"SOLITAIRE " was promoted, and I was on the other side.( I find it very interesting to read on the "The Carpenters Online" website that Karen did not want that song to be the "A" side, and perhaps had a falling out with Sedaka, if I read that correctly. Oh, my God, I now think, could she have WANTED my song to be picked afterall, but she got overruled by the powers that be? I guess I will never know.) My entire career path would have been changed if my song had been the promoted side. People would have been singing it, and when they would ask me, "What song did you write for the Carpenters?" would have said "LOVE ME FOR WHAT I AM" and they would have been SO IMPRESSED, that I would not have had to follow that with another word of explanation. Fame in a bottle. They would have SUNG the chorus to me, and I would have noded knowingly, content in my "place in the constellation." Just like saying,for example, I wrote "MY WAY" and people gasping with recognition at the title. Instead, I spent many years answering the question, repeating the title, sometimes singing the chorus a bit myself to nudge them into recognition, only to have them smile politely and say "Oh, I don't think I KNOW that one." Ugh...do you know what I mean?(By the way, thanks to you Carpenters Online folks, for knowing my song as well as the big singles! That in itself is thrilling! ) (photo above is of a 45RPM cover for SOLITAIRE/LOVE ME FOR WHAT I AM from 1975)

I was pretty disappointed that I wasn't the featured single, however, I still had great hopes of what was to come, because I had been told that Karen would record "BOX OFFICE MOVIE KING" on her next album, and I was SURE that would be a single. The song was so unique, it couldn't miss. It would just be another year to wait, and things were really heating up for me in the business. Suddenly everyone "knew" I got this song on the Carpenter album, and people in the industry who wouldn't answer my mail six months before, were calling LOOKING for me. I thought to myself, "So THIS is how it works! I was just as talented a year ago, and the songs were just as good, but now, I'm HOT and the hard work has been done, and now people want to find ME instead of the other way around." The business can be pretty shallow, you know? When you're hot, you're hot, when you're not, you're not. I was particularly proud since I realized I got this opportunity with the Carpenters through the merits of the song itself, not because I knew someone, or someone did me a favor; I was a stranger who sent a song in and got it placed on the album of one of the most famous, fabulous groups in the world. THAT was sweet.

I loved going into places where the song was playing, like in a bank, for example, or once in a jewelry store, and telling whoever would listen, "You know what, I WROTE that song!" Most people gave a polite "Oh, that's nice" but some really got excited because they knew who she was, and that was EXTRA special for me. I remember seeing it in the diner" table jukeboxes," and putting in some money to play it, to "experience" it in other places. I "found" it in a large, freestanding jukebox in the cafeteria at the Eastman School Of Music where I studied arranging one semester, and I have a picture of me posed, pointing to the title, which you can actually make out in the picture. I was so proud. You can imagine.

As life would have it, Karen never recorded "BOX OFFICE MOVIE KING." I was told, a year later, that she had decided to go in a different "direction" with the next album, and the song wouldn't fit. I didn't know it then, but I believe that was the beginning of her trying to change her "vanilla, goodie two shoes, America's Sweetheart, corny sound" and head out in bolder directions. Isn't that sad, that the very thing her audiences loved, her wholesomeness, the sound Richard had made for her records, was being kind of sneered at, as happens in this world? First they love you, then they criticize the thing they loved, then, in an attempt to please the public, the artist starts to question their instincts, change direction to stay fresh, relevant, blah, blah, blah, and pretty soon, destroy the perfection of their uniqueness. I continued to send songs, but I never got any news about her. When I would ask, I was told she was "recovering" from her grueling touring schedule, and it was all very vague. Ed Sulzer was always very kind to me, but there didn't seem to be any news about future recordings. I believe I sent about 25 songs to them, all of which I have recorded in my own archives. I have all those original piano/voice demos, and many of them appear on my own albums, which in recent years I have orchestrated and sung on myself. I imagine how wonderful she would have sounded had she recorded them. But I was so busy with other exciting career developments, I didn't think of what could have been with Karen and Richard. Besides, surely, no one expected her to die a tragic and early death.

You have asked where I was when I got the news. I was home, and a friend in Pennsylvania called and told me. He said he didn't want me to hear it on the TV or radio, and he felt so bad for the world, and for me. I was numb. It didn't seem possible. No one ever said she was sick. Of course, after that there was an explosion of those awful pictures of her looking so thin, and scary. Funny how today's press would have printed those pictures right away when she was alive, but in those days, there was some control over the media images of people. Suddenly it made sense to me....Karen was sick with anorexia, not resting from her grueling schedule, as I had been told.

I remember thinking, "How is Richard going to LIVE??" I didn't think he could find a reason to "go on," so great was their union, their success. Only later did I learn of how he was struggling with his own issues, and how she had kind of " broken away" for awhile to try to make an album with Phil Ramone (who I had met, also.) I felt a great sense of personal loss, since she had been "with me" inside my song, inside my soul, and I suppose I always assumed we would "do more" one day. The story of her sickness seemed so bizarre and tragic. I thought how frightened she really must have been; the rituals, the attempts to cover up her panic, her misery, and her inability to ENJOY her success, her money, her natural beauty. What price was there for this "public opinion" of her looks, her style, her private life? I still have the PEOPLE magazine with her wedding pictures...she was so beautiful, with that big picture hat. And then those awful images of her with Mickey Mouse Ears, looking completely wasted, like a skeleton...and I thought how strange, the media had these pictures all along, but no one had a clue. Now, it was sensational news, and the once hidden pictures were everywhere! Mostly, I thought, imagine your entire life ends in a closet, when you are getting dressed, and your heart just stops! How awful for her parents. Doesn't fame protect you from a small moment, in your family home, when you are picking out your clothes, and you just die? HOW CAN THAT HAPPEN??? I'm sure she didn't expect it. And I am sure had she survived, and a few more years went by, she would have become a spokeswoman for the disease, and saved other lives by being a role model, just as Rock Hudson was soon to put a face on AIDS and break the barrier of silence to help others. But it didn't happen that way.

A few days after this happened, I called Ed Sulzer at home. I believe it was his wife who told me that he was devastated and could not come to the phone and speak about it at all. I offered my condolences, and never heard from him again. It felt as if the world had all retired to their corner, to grieve, never to be heard from again. I was amazed I was alive and she was gone. Surely, the famous don't die. We were about the same age. There was so much life to go, yet. Where WAS she? How profoundly SAD that she would exist now only inside the sound of her records. Don't we all wish there were more of those? When Frank Sinatra died, there was a lifetime of recordings left to us...at least he made as many as he possibly could in a long lifetime. But we would never have that from Karen.

A few years ago, I remember someone telling me there was a private list of songs Karen had recorded that had not been released. Someone influential sent me that list, and my mother and I stood by the piano, and opened the envelope, shaking with anticipation that PERHAPS one of my titles might appear there as a "gift" from beyond. Afterall, I thought, Richard had saved those songs of mine in the GOLD BOX, and maybe at some time he and Karen had tinkered with them, and the tape was rolling, and maybe she made a demo of one or more of them, just to see how it would sound. But our hearts sank as we read through the list and saw no title of mine there. I was so disappointed.

I must tell you all that life was providing me with tremendous opportunities in the years between 1975 and even after Karen died. I had written two musicals for the Broadway stage, one of which was being mounted in a pre-Broadway workshop in New York City;another one followed. I had a deal with CBS records, worked with one of the biggest arrangers in the world, whose work I loved, Charlie Calello, wrote for Barbra Streisand, studied at the Eastman School Of Music arranging, had major publishers like ABC Music and others pushing my songs to famous artists. I had all the hopes in the world for something else wonderful to come my way, another big success, something to replace the disappointment of losing Karen and the world of the Carpenters. In our next installment, I'd like to tell you about the life since then, until now, and the many wonderful blessings I have received, and the disappointments as well. Hope you have enjoyed reading all of the details. I'd like to answer any quesions you have in the upcoming installment, and if you'd like, we can talk about the craft of songwriting, my experiences, and some of the funny and touching things that have happened to me. Let me thank you all again for your encouragement and support! I am thrilled to be a small part of the wonderful family of the fans of The Carpenters.

Get an inside glimpse of the music industry with Part Four of the exclusive Carpenters Online Palma Pascale interview. Palma is the writer of the classic song "Love Me for What I Am" from the platinum certified 1975 album "HORIZON".

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I would like to begin Part 4 with a small story that I think everyone who has ever tried for greatness and acknowledgment in their field will be able to relate to. This incident is the best summary of success and achievement as defined by the American culture, especially for any of us in the field of music.Once you can hear this story and smile instead of cringe, you will know far along you are in your personal quest for accomplishment.

When I first moved into my own house over eight years ago, I met the new neighbor "Horace" at a party. Horace had the nicest house on the block. The party was attended by many unfamiliar faces, and as I was making congenial smalltalk with Horace, he asked, "So what do YOU do?" I smiled and said, "I am a composer/lyricist, I sing, arrange, and make records." There was a moment of slight discomfort, as I could see he couldn't quite relate to that, so I felt a sudden need to add, "and I am really very good at what I do." He took a moment, then said, "No offense, but if you were really good at what you do, how come I've never heard of you?" Perhaps it was the grace of God, or perhaps it was my own complete understanding of how a life's worth of work could not be understood by a stranger, I replied,
" You make a valid point, Horace, but perhaps it is not my job to make myself famous. That is the work of destiny. But it is ONLY my job to make the most beautiful music I am able to make." I was proud of my answer, because it was the truth. It was also the first time that I believed that answer myself. Horace smiled and said, "Good point." (pictured above in the vocal booth at TIKI - Palma Pascale)

My friends and interested readers, it is with humility that I now present some of the details of my musical life in and around the time of I disagreeociation with the Carpenters, after that, and ongoing now. Being invited to tell my story to all of you has done a wonderful thing for me. It has allowed me to "review" my life while there is still plenty of time for Horace to "hear of me" and perhaps it can help others see, whether in the music business or not, that there is a rich tapestry to our lives that cannot be seen while it is being woven. For those of you in the arts, you will appreciate the ups and downs, the frustrations and the elations. I hope it inspires you to continue on your journey, too, since the opera's not over until the curtain comes down.

A wise therapist once told me that the peak age of creation for most artists is age 23. He was certainly right about THAT. Around that time, I was writing some great songs, getting the Carpenter record, writing a Broadway show, and getting opportunities to be signed to record labels. I had a wonderful entertainment lawyer, still a dear friend to this day, Harold Rosenblum, who guided me, introduced me to many big publishers ( including ABC Music) and taught me about making wise deals. A wise deal for a songwriter was always to keep your publishing rights which represented not only money, but the future use of your songs, but to always negotiate when the artist was big enough to sell alot of records. He explained that "recorded and released "were the words that mattered most, since"recorded and not released "meant you wouldn't make any money. In those days, I signed alot of deals that allowed publishers to try to get a well-known artist to record and release songs I wrote, but if they did not accomplish that, usually within an 18 month period, the publishing rights would revert fully to me. This was such a wise thing. In these early years, there were records "almost" recorded by Engelbert, Andy Williams, and for that matter, Karen Carpenter, but at the last minute, they were not released. I could have lost the rights to those songs forever receiving absolutely NOTHING for my trouble, so at least, all I lost was the "hope" that the song was going to hit the air.Many beginning writers want to say their songs are "published by a publishing company" thinking that means something. It only means you gave away half the money right off the bat, and the right to control the use of your song. You get the idea?

During the time I was first getting started, it was the era of the singer/songwriter, so there was always some interest in getting me signed as the artist as well. It was also the beginning of the end of the power of big music publishers to place songs with well-know artists, and the hard times of getting your songs heard was just beginning. It's a little like the old movie studio business...they used to sign an actress, and put her into great movies as long as she was under contract. It was guaranteed she would work, and probably become well-known. The music business was starting to become more like the independent wild west. There was no guarantee anymore that even a major music publisher could persuade a famous artist to record a particular song. (pictured below: CD cover of WHAT THE HELL, NELL! written by Palma Pascale)

An unusual opportunity presented itself, and not knowing any better, I said "yes!" I was asked to write the full original score to a show that some friends from college were attempting to mount in New York City. That show, which eventually changed it's title to "WHAT THE HELL, NELL," also changed my life. I performed about 33 backer's auditions in the practice rooms of Carnegie Hall, met with would-be producers and backers, including a trip to Nebraska (boy, was it cold in Dodge!), andwrote over 33 songs over many years of trying to "perfect" the show according to dozens of other people's opinions ( lots of people have opinions...you can't listen to them all, but I always tried to keep an open mind.) Eventually, that show received financial backing for a "pre-Broadway" tryout in New York City around 1980.( The show had 23 songs then!) We began rehearsals in the Michael Bennett Studios, and it was SO exciting, to see "NELL" on the boards with the rehearsals of a yet unknown other show ,"DREAMGIRLS." I was SURE it was the beginning of my success as a composer/lyricist of American musicals. It was a fun, tune-filled melodrama,and there was no way it could miss. No way, if you don't count all the things that can go wrong when LOTS of other people are included in the mix. Mounting a professional new musical is like building a giant building. The vision has to be the same, and you need lots of talented people, all working toward a common goal. It's a precarious situation, at best. The workshop resulted in a mixed bag of styles, and alot of hurt feelings. I still believed in the show, but we didn't get an opportunity to be picked up by a major producer, so it went on the back burner. I still believe in that wonderful show, and I'll tell you what I did about it many years later!

I was also entering many of my compositions in the then popular American Song Festival Contest, and I would win various awards through the years. I was signed by CBS Records to make four masters of my songs, and then to be considered as an artist to be signed to the label. This was a big deal. I remember sitting down with the A&R guy, Kevin, who had gotten the deal off the ground. I sat across from him, and he asked, "How old are you?" I cheerfully answered "27." He replied, "You're almost over the hill." I waited for him to look up, and laugh at the feeble joke he just made. He didn't. He meant it. That was the first awful stab of "age discrimination" I ever experienced in the music business. He wasn't kidding. And it was then I realized I could never tell the truth about that matter again. And I remember thinking, "Hey, it's not MY fault it took so long to get recognition. I've been working at this since I'm a kid!" I went on to make four great demos of my songs, but when it came time to approach CBS management, they had "changed hands" and were no longer interested in the people the other A&R guys had signed.

But, no matter, I had the financial backing of an old friend who had stepped up to the plate, and he had introduced me to the famous arranger, Charles Calello, with whom I hope to work. Charlie liked my work very much, and I thought he was the best popular arranger who ever walked the planet. I still do. His arrangements for Barbra Streisand, Engelbert, and so many others were among my favorites for years. I never dreamed I would ever meet him, no less get to work with him. Put simply, he had "the magic" and his arrangements were like starry skies...full of sparkle and excitement. One of the best examples of this was "Good Morning, Starshine," an outrageous musical confection from the mind of a genius. His stellar arrangements of "After The Lovin' " and the ballad Barbra sings "My Heart Belongs To Me" were the best popular music has ever had. Once again, I thought sure my time had come, because it was possible that he would be my arranger.
It was Charlie who gave me a wonderful opportunity. It was like a rocket that went straight into the sky on it's way to the moon, and suddenly crashed. I think you will understand how I felt, when one July night, around 1979 I think, I got a call from Charlie who had gone to California to arrange the new Barbra Streisand "WET" album. He had taken with him a song I wrote, "FREE OF YOU" to show to Barbra, as well as a song he and I had written. As if THAT wasn't exciting enough, the call that warm summer night was the following: It seemed that Barbra had a song she was due to record that night...she loved the music, but was not happy with the lyrics. If I could successfully REWRITE the lyrics, and she liked them, then by the next night, I could have a song on the new Streisand album. Just like that! I was told that the song lyric had to contain these elements: it had to have something to do with water (the
" WET "album) and a phonecall. He then played me Streisand "singing" the old lyric and the musical bed over the phone, while I held a small tape recorder up to the telephone to "catch" the melody. It was good that I couldn't actually HEAR the lyrics she was singing, since I had to write new ones anyway.

I did a GREAT job. In a few hours, I had dictated the new lyrics, about a woman who makes a phonecall to a former lover, and asks him to come down to meet her at the river, where they once made love. Charlie was so excited that the lyrics seemed perfect for the arrangement he had already written. He told me he would show them to her that night, and there is only ONE THING that could go wrong. If Ms. Streisand had written lyrics of HER OWN, then she would probably want THOSE instead of mine. But he said that he and the producer loved my work, so he would call me back that night, no matter how late, to tell me what happened. Well, can you blame me for thinking my ship had FINALLY come in? Afterall, what were the odds of getting this kind of opportunity if the rug was going to be pulled out from under me , right?The phone never rang. In the morning he called, to tell me what a great session he had. He never mentioned the song. When I asked, he said, "Oh, yeah, she really liked your lyrics, but she wrote her own, and she wanted to sing them." End of story.By the way, the song never made it onto the album.

But the Streisand story was the beginning of a "bad turning point" in my mind, concerning this element of luck and timing. I began to think it was possible that no matter how hard I tried, and how good my work was, how patient I was, and how cooperative and willing I had always been, there was a chance that destiny was just going to turn a strike into a gutter ball for reasons I would never understand. It was the first moment of true discouragement I felt, and powerlessness to affect my own good fortune. I need not tell you how dangerous a turn in the road this kind of thinking can be.

I continued to write, my next project was another musical, "BACHELOR BUTTONS" a lovely lyrical piece about unrequited love in another era, around World War I.I took it into my own hands to produce it at my local alma mater, Hofstra University, and although it had a well-attended run, and people enjoyed it, I realized that a new musical needs to be produced and executed by professionals. The singers have to be of the highest caliber, and unlike a well-known show like "Oklahoma," a NEW show is only as strong as it's actors and singers, since the music has never been heard before. BACHELOR BUTTONS is still a great show, and I have hopes for a wonderful production one day.

I spent a summer at the Eastman School Of Music taking an arranger's course. I don't know how I qualified to enter, because my arranging skills were not as finely tuned as the others who attended, but I worked VERY HARD that summer, in the blazing heat with mostly MEN around me in a very small town without transportation. I arranged a song from my musical, "NELL" called "ANOTHER PENNY FOR A SONG" and it was played by the orchestra, and I arranged an instrumental song I wrote called "MIDNIGHT FLUTE" for the band. They were recorded at the school as part of my course work, and the summer ended with a big concert we did with the famed composer Michel LeGrand. That's when I learned how "catty" jazz musicians were toward someone they thought "sold out" to make big money. They were, I think, just jealous of the tremendous fame and fortune of Mr. LeGrand.( He didn't care, I'm sure. Just took the money and went back to Europe!) The arranger's world was very much a man's society...I remember, they wouldn't help me to know where to place the clarinet parts until they heard my first "work" played. I knew I was "accepted" by the good old boys club, then, because they picked me up and carried me around the stage once I passed the "test" and my charts sounded pretty good. I also remember that summer being asked to record in town as a singer...it was a commercial for "WATERBED WORLD." The slogan was great..."For The REST of your life."I've heard that slogan used many years later, and I wonder if they stole it from the WATERBED WORLD guy! I still remember how the jingle went. Funny what you remember when you are a musician.
The 1980's were filled with odd departures into surprising avenues in music. It was the heyday of the telephone answering machines, and I began writing "musical messages" for a great and funny orthodontist, Dr. Richard Kaufman, who approached me to write a new batch of messages when his patients grew tired of his more amateurish earlier attempts. Not only did Dr. Kaufman's repetoire grow to contain scores of really funny parodies I prepared for him, a kind of fame attached itself to the "singing answering machine" of the skilled orthodontist, and his "songwriter," ME. That led to my business "PALMA'S PERSONALIZED PICKUPS" original 30 and 60 second musical messages made for the public. Now, this was alot of work, because I had to extensively "interview" the business owner to gather information, then I had to learn how to accommodate all the various answering machines and troubleshoot technical problems, and record messages exquisitely clearly, etc. I found myself with a kind of new peculiar fame...I was interviewed by radio stations, picked up by the AP network, filmed for television performing my jingles, and even did a three hour marathon on WABC radio where Alan Colmes interviewed me and several other "phone jingle" writers in the middle of the night, as we took callers from everywhere, asking us to write jingles on the spot. When I realized my other "writers" were "freezing" under the pressure, I began to freely associate and compose lyrics on the air. (Yeah, you go ahead and try that.) I remember the gay podiatrist who called and I recited: "A walk on Fire Island can be rough on your feet, but here's a guy to help you, he's on MacDougal Street. Dr. Jim, come play footsie with him, then tip toe with impunity thru the gay community..." This appearance and the constant radio and TV exposure lead to alot of work, but I remember thinking, I was actually receiving more attention for this off beat stuff than for all my legitimate work combined. Why, I even wrote a phone "jingle" for the famous Dr. Ruth. If I may, the infamous opening lyric went:" Hallo, Hallo, Dr. Ruth here. Sexually speaking the truth dear. Sorry, I'm out, I can't answer the phone. PLAY WITH YOURSELF til you hear the tone." Those of you who remember the German accented sex therapist will appreciate the accuracy of my jingle. We do indeed live in a society that gives more attention to the "quirky," the" off beat, "the "one-liners" and the proof was I was never getting more public media attention in my life as I did during the time of the phone answering machine jingles.

Sometime in the 1980's, the era of the MTV music video trends, I took myself over to Hofstra's media division, and found an up and coming music video director. I rented a red "Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke" period costume (I looked very hot in this, by the way!) and we actually made my first music video to a song I wrote "GAMBLIN' MAN." I made good use of the CBS professional recording as the soundtrack. We made a mini-movie that employed a flashback technique of me (the scorned woman) in love present-day, then in flashback to 1880's wild west bar room, singing about a man who "gambled away my love." You know what was great about this? I got to pick the "leading man" (a handsome young dark haired, angular jawed fellow) and he had to KISS me on camera. He was so shy, I actually had to kiss HIM to make the scene work..(.turns out he had a girlfriend, and didn't want to make her mad. Oh, yeah, well, then stay out of SHOWBUSINESS!) For those of you who are my FANS, this video, as well as the next version we shot a few years later, exists!!! Go ahead, dare me to turn it into a DVD for mass consumption!

During all this time, I was doing alot of jingle work. I was in the recording studio, singing, making some money, but to tell you the truth, I had lost my ambition to do much songwriting. I couldn't see the sense in writing more songs, real songs from my heart, when it was so difficult to get them listened to by the artists who could really make money with them. The business was making it harder and harder for songwriters to be heard. Things were changing. The comparisons to Karen Carpenter seemed to head off any hope of being signed as an artist. The era of Madonna and alot more outrageous sexuality was beginning to take the place of real songs and developed careers. Being noticed for being daring, hot and wild was more important than any musical content. The artist WAS the message, no longer the song.

There is an old saying, a VERY old saying: "Talent will out." It means in the end, if you are talented, sooner or later, things will go your way, someone will discover you, and you will be rewarded. Many gifted people spend their artistic lives waiting forthe big break," the "Colonel Parker" who discovered Elvis, the American Idol contest that "finds" you, the freak chance that they will "run" into an influential person, to whom they will slip their CD, who will pass it onto Oprah, etc...You know what I mean. They "go" places and "hang out" on doorsteps, as they said Madonna did, or wait for the lead actress to call in sick, and hope their understudy position will place them on stage the night the big director comes to see the show...see how endless the possibilities are? And while these "chance" events might indeed occur, the despair at NOT being at the right place at the right time, NOT running into Oprah's producer on the plane, NOT having your song listened to by Celine Dion when you slipped it to her backstage, can lead to giving up the power of your own universe, your own ideas, your own projects to the "all powerful someone else" you have yet to meet. The 1990's seem to be a time when I decided, with the help of some significant others, to try my own hand at furthering my own projects. Like my mother used to always say, "If no one will come play with you, start playing by yourself, and people will get interested, and come over to see what you are doing." Worked as a kid. Wonder if it will work as an adult?

In the early 90's, I was approached by a man who always believed in the musical"WHAT THE HELL, NELL" and had been one of the producers many years ago. With his encouragement, we started to talk about the possibility of mounting the production again ourselves. He submitted the script and music to Eric Krebs, owner of the Houseman Theatre in New York City, the largest off-Broadway house in New York City. He ran a program for new American musicals called the "6 O'Clock Musicals" where promising new musicals could be showcased. Talk about timing! Mr. Krebs LOVED the musical, and asked us to be part of the showcase series.What a thrill to cast the show with live, professional actors, to be the musical director, teaching the cast how to sing the score the way I believed it should be sung, and going to rehearsals, in New York City. It was a thrilling experience, and although there was no giant orchestra, and the actors had to hold the scripts in their hands and "read" (a requirement in showcases), I knew for the first time, the show would look and sound like the show I intended it to be years ago. The house was packed every night of the showcase, and I accompanied the actors dressed in a blue prairie dress with high lace boots every night, as I shared the stage with these extremely talented actors and actresses. I thought for SURE a Broadway opportunity might follow.

The problem with showcases is that if the "dream producer" does not appear, and the run is over, it is over. Although Mr. Krebs himself said he would have loved to mount the musical himself, the cast was too large. There were about 11 actors required, and the economics of the theatre even in 1993 were for small casts of between 1 and 3 actors...still true today off -Broadway. What to do? Where to go? Seemed like a giant balloon whose air was just let out.

A few years later, my producer friend and I decided to try to mount it AGAIN. This time, we shared the costs of rehearsal studios, and cast the show ourselves from another pool of talented actors (this time they had to be non-union actors...awful lot of rules in the professional theatre) with the intention of mounting it in a famous brewery in downtown Manhattan. Seemed like a brilliant idea at the time, since the show takes place in the Pennsylvania countryside, and then in a "den of iniquity"(a bar) in New York City. So we found such a "den" and began negotiations to put the show there. Bold move, right? Right before the show was about to open, the owner of the brewery backed out of the deal...heard he was going bankrupt, so now we had a show with no location, and the actors were ready to perform. What to do? We made quick arrangements to perform it where we had rehearsed it,at Musical Theatre Works, and then at the Ta Da Studios. Once again, a showcase with a limited run can only be seen by the "important people" for a brief period of time, and then, the opportunity is lost. A few influential people attended, but not the right ones, so the showcases were over. We even hired a video company to tape this run, but unless you have multiple cameras, and fine miking, your end product cannot be a good advertisement for the show.(I still have this wonderful taping, but the quality was less than stellar.)

It is at this time, that my other friend, a man with alot of money and alot of vision, contacted me out of the blue. He wrote an interesting letter to me. It said that having talent is one thing, but talent alone will not guarantee success. You need someone willing to promote that talent. (Amen, to that.) He stepped forward to do just that.He suggested recording the score for WHAT THE HELL, NELL professionally, starring "ME" doing all the parts. He helped finance the recording which allowed me to fully orchestrate the show. It was a brilliant idea. No more backer's auditions, no more live showcases that run out of time, just an intact, full score with explanation on CD that will tell the listener all they need to know.

Because of this wonderful man, I was able to reconnect with my trusted friend, Fred Guarino, owner of Tiki Recording Studios where so many good things have happened right up until today. We did the bulk of the "NELL" recording there, where the technology had advanced so much, I could "make" the orchestra entirely thru computer generated sounds. I had to play all the parts, but the computer could provide the sounds of each orchestral instrument, and as I layered them on, an entire pit orchestra was available to me. I was in heaven. Now, I was able to provide a blueprint of the entire show's orchestration as well as sing all the songs the way I envisioned them. (pictured right: Fred Guarino - pictured below: Palma Pascale & Fred Guarino at TIKI Recording Studios, Glen Cove, Long Island, NY)

I went on to record the entire score to my other musical, "BACHELOR BUTTONS" in the same way. I call these recordings (instead of the "Cast Album") the "Composer AS the Cast Albums" because I sing all the songs. During the 1990's, I had the opportunity to record two entire pop CD's of my popular songs myself, using this orchestral technique, and some groovy live performers ("I'LL LEAVE YOU THE MUSIC" and "IN AND OUT OF LOVE"). I was asked to perform live onstage with the Joffrey Ballet in New York City, once in a theatre, and once in Bryant Park, as they danced to a trilogy of my pop songs (HE'S THERE, SHE'S THERE, FREE OF YOU, and OVER THE OCEAN). It was so GREAT to stand up, even dance, and sing along with my own professionally produced tracks. I felt like Gloria Estefan, making my own dance moves with soaring ballet dancers behind and around me. Does it get better???

I began to get alot of work as an arranger for other talented singers, most especially the noted Catholic singer, Al Barbarino. My arrangements were traditional enough for a church setting, yet hip enough to move some of the staid Catholic anthems ahead in time. It is through Mr. Barbarino, that I was introduced to the beauty of making music for the church. In recent years, I have produced my own Christian album,"THE BROKEN CUP" and am humbled to say people have told me it has "changed their life." The four albums I have arranged for Al continue to touch people worldwide, and in his latest album, "THE CRY OF THE POOR," Al has honored me by recording three of MY compositions. (pictured: front cover of The Broken Cup)

I have also been graced to know and arrange and write songs for a terrific talent, Gary Jerome, a master bel canto style singer of Italian and American standards. I wrote a song for him called "I WANT TO STAY/RIMANGO QUI." I even employed my mother, fluent in Italian, to write the Italian lyrics. And she was GOOD, too! Gary and I would get up at 4a.m. to hear our stuff played on the "Joe Franklin" radio show, laughing our heads off to be thrilled to hear our work on the radio at ANY HOUR!

I also laugh when I remember the album I made for the BEAUTIFUL MUSIC COMPANY a few years ago. It is called "RAGTIME" and I chuckle because they should have hired a old stride piano bluesman from Lousiana to play this piano-only wonderful record, but instead they hired ME, a small, Italian chick who struggled through arranging and playing over 60 old time ragtime and sing-a-long songs. It is one of my favorite accomplishments, by the way, and it is enjoyed by the many people who still order it from the catalogue every day.

Along the way, I entered my musical "WHAT THE HELL, NELL" in the Richard Rodgers Contest for new musicals and was a finalist. But a finalist gets nothing but a "goodbye, and good luck," since the "winner takes all." Seems to me our society could do more to encourage the very few of us who write both words and music, and even the script adaptation (as I did on "NELL") for full musicals, just to keep us going. You have to wonder how many other writers are out there, who simply gave up because they didn't "win" a contest. In this world, you have to encourage YOURSELF, because the music business is not filled with helping hands. Notice, I'M STILL HERE!!

So many new opportunities are still presenting themselves, and I am thrilled to say, being asked to write my four part interview for Rick and the Carpenters website is a big one. You see, after all these years, the song I wrote that Karen and Richard recorded has brought me a "full circle" experience. Knowing that "my story" might have meaning for an unseen audience on the internet gives me a warm validation. Who knows what might be next on the "HORIZON"?

I want to thank Rick and Tim, my Archivist, who has so lovingly and accurately written reviews of my songs for this site. I never could have expected the reception I have been given, and my heart is touched. I look forward to updating my "life" here from time to time, if that is asked of me. Thank you ALL for your embrace, and for "loving me for what I am" and "hope to be." Palma

So, there you have it. Pretty great, eh? I hope you enjoyed your read, and for ordering any of the CD's, just e-mail me at bmjfan@mchsi.com, or Palma at PalmaPascale@aol.com. Thanks to Frank Rendo for providing some of these great photos.
~Martini